Our culture is obsessed with the idea of a ‘perfect’ life. We’re told that if we can just get our health, relationships, career, and finances in order then we’ll be content. But what happens when you finally do? You realize that even though you have it all together, you’re still not happy.
The social unusual behavior examples is a blog post that discusses the struggles of people who seem to have it all together. It talks about how they are not immune to the problems that everyone else is struggling with.
Do you feel like everyone around you is better, thinner and healthier than you? Like you’ll never be the right person? If so, we have great news. Plus 7 steps to identify and achieve your goals – and finally feel more in tune with yourself.
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Here is a brief overview of the program’s functions.
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During your 12-month transformation program, we work with a coach who will guide you to significant and lasting improvements in your eating habits, lifestyle, body shape and health.
You will lose the weight (and fat) that you have been unable to lose for years. They develop physical strength and mental toughness. And you’ll end up feeling more capable, confident and free than you have in a long time.
Through this process, you will learn strategies for eating and exercising regardless of the emotional and practical obstacles life throws in your way. You’ll finally have a plan and the support you need to transform your body, improve your health and lead the perfect lifestyle.
Which brings us back to today’s article…..
Fifteen years ago, thousands of men came to the coaches with a burning desire: So I can look like Brad Pitt in Fight Club.
(TM and copyright 20th Century Fox Film Corp. All rights reserved. Courtesy of: Everett Collection)
Who can forget the lean, muscular Tyler Durden as Pitt, the anti-establishment, abs, dirt, punches and free spirit?
For these male clients, Tyler Durden was that guy.
This guy has romance and adventure, he kicks life’s ass and rides off into the sunset.
This guy doesn’t have to clean gutters or drive through traffic. He doesn’t have sore knees or heartburn after eating a chili dog.
This guy doesn’t say wow when he bends over to tie his shoes. His doctor doesn’t tell him that he has a damaged rotator cuff or that his cholesterol is too high. He doesn’t care about raising teenagers.
Clients, of course, often see exactly this woman as their ideal. Linda Hamilton’s long arms as Sarah Connor in Terminator 2 inspired a generation of women in the 1990s to do biceps exercises.
(©TriStar Pictures/ Courtesy: Everett Collection)
Overall, this woman may be more at ease than this man. (Maybe a little more First Lady Michelle Obama than a freedom fighter).
This woman fits all her outfits (especially wedding dresses). She wears Lululemon leggings and skinny jeans… even after giving birth to three baby angels.
If you are a client who idealizes this woman, you know this because this woman is at your children’s school picking up her well-groomed brood.
She looks incredible and together. She does Pilates, running, Crossfit, cabbage juice, or anything else that gives her energy.
She is a lawyer, a neurosurgeon, an international diplomat, or perhaps a housewife, but whatever she does, she is successful and content. She uses the hashtags #honored, #grateful, #blessed and has them in mind.
Meanwhile, set aside banana peels and empty soda cups to make room for your child’s dog hair-covered car seat. And you’re wearing your husband’s gym shorts with baby spit on them because that’s all that fits you right now.
If only we could be that boy or girl.
You’re all right. It’s amazing.
Isn’t that so?
It may sound strange, but…
As coaches, we know the secrets of our clients.
In our case, we’re talking about the secrets of over 100,000 customers.
But that doesn’t mean we’re creepy spies. We are discreet and respect confidentiality. A trusted coach meets with a client in complete confidentiality.
But after a while, the sweatpants have to come off so we can take body measurements. The camera records your image so we can visually track your progress.
Let us know the results of your cholesterol or thyroid hormone tests so we can discuss their significance. You tell us about your routine so we know how to make changes.
At some point, you need to tell us honestly what is going on so we can help you.
Then it gets serious.
And then we both learn:
Everything is out of order.
If you don’t look at the big picture like we do, you’ll feel like everyone else is doing much better than you.
Everyone else seems to be in control of their lives. All Elses quickly learn the habits we teach them.
Everyone loses weight, builds muscle or gets in shape much faster and more effortlessly than you. The others have everything you don’t.
You seem to be the only person in the world with your own problems.
The truth is:
All others are not present.
There are only imperfect, beautiful, messy people with hopes, fears, desires, neuroses, jobs, lives, children, dogs or cats, family demands, toilets to clean, lines that become wrinkles, hanging fingernails, alarm clocks that go off too early, love of chocolate chip cookies….. and the rest of reality.
Just like you.
We all do.
We’re all suckers on the bus, said Woodstock MC Wavey Gravy in 1969, so we can sit back and enjoy the ride.
Elizabeth Lesser, author of Broken Open and TED speaker, adds: If we are all underdogs, then we can drop the burden of pretense and remain underdogs.
In other words…
- We can stop worrying that we are the only ones who are not fit enough, not smart enough, not together enough, not working enough in a day, not good enough as a mother/father/worker, etc.
- We can pursue fitness, nutrition and health goals that are truly realistic and achievable, and feel good about what we are doing, not inadequate.
Here are seven ways to start feeling more normal, right now, in your imperfect and messy life.
1. Adjust your expectations.
In our article The Cost of Getting Slim, we looked at the trade-offs you can make to achieve a particular fitness goal.
Getting into reasonable and moderate shape is not that hard.
All you need is a little change here and there. Walking the dog after dinner, a weekly gym class, or eating an apple for breakfast can all help.
Getting into good shape is a little harder, but it’s possible if you put in the effort.
You may need to pay more attention to food quality and portion size, exercise more and be more careful with your indulgences. However, it is quite possible if you have the desire to do it.
Getting in shape for a photo shoot or a magazine cover is a whole different matter.
You give your life for it.
You’re eating out of Tupperware. You measure everything that comes into your mouth. Your entire routine revolves around eating (or not eating), working out and sleeping to have enough energy for other workouts.
That’s the secret.
The people in the third group are the ones we often think about: All the others are professionals who make their living this way.
99.99% of you are not these people.
They are only in this state for a few hours or days. But they can spend thousands of hours of work and probably thousands of dollars to become a superjunkie and go bankrupt. Brad Pitt had a whole team of well-paid professionals who made sure he looked good on location.
This means that even 0.01% does not always look like this.
His life is not surprising either.
In fact, his life may be much less surprising.
Because they were eating a plain cold chicken in a Tupperware at the family barbecue for their third workout of the day.
(Sons of Anarchy actor Charlie Hunnam complained in British magazine GQ that Brad Pitt made a mess of things by creating unrealistic expectations of his body, forcing Hunnam to run and train for two and a half hours a day on top of a 14- to 15-hour shooting schedule.)
In a nutshell:
- Getting a little fitter or adopting a healthier lifestyle doesn’t take much effort. Maybe that’s what’s realistic for most of us right now.
- Getting into epic form takes a huge sacrifice. …. and it kind of sucks. For most of us, it’s probably not worth it at this point.
- Getting into epic form creates other problems. Due to the demands of their jobs, models are often less happy, less healthy and less balanced than the average person. (If you’ve ever pursued this dream, you may have experienced it first hand in the form of training injuries, anxiety and depression, eating disorders, hormonal imbalances, social isolation and a host of other problems.)
So what if there are no magazine covers in circulation?
2. Find realistic role models.
There are a lot more fit and healthy people than you think. They may not look like what you expect.
Appliances and health come in different sizes, shapes and capacities.
Take a look.
A grey-haired man in his eighties stands at a bus stop. Did you know that despite her arthritis, she takes painkillers and takes dance classes four times a week?
A big guy who delivers your mail. He walks 10 miles a day and works as a mailman.
Your child’s preschool teacher. She only has 20 minutes a day to practice, but she does it diligently: Every day before she comes to check in on your child, she rides her bike and watches Netflix. (She then tries to play ball with the four year olds throughout the break).
How about changing your perspective on good enough, a little better or trying?
What if you looked everywhere for small moments of health, fitness and well-being?
Why don’t you focus on what you can do, today, right?
3. Bring the fight to them.
He’s not going anywhere.
Dealing with pain – whether it is real pain and suffering or just small everyday inconveniences – is part of being human.
As we grow up, we realize the complexity and richness of life. The desire to be perfect or have it all is not a mature desire. It is the wish of a child: to have all the toys, all the time, even his sister’s.
Everyone has problems. They may not realize it.
- 48% of our female and 33% of our male clients use prescription drugs.
- Of our clients who take medication, 33% of women and 24% of men take antidepressants or anti-anxiety drugs.
- Thirty-six percent of our clients have injuries. And many struggle with chronic pain.
- 27% of our female clients and 17% of our male clients are over 50. (Even if you are healthy, getting older brings its own set of problems).
Many of these problems are invisible.
Often no pain or disability is seen. Psychological stress is often not visible. If you don’t see someone taking a pill, you don’t know what they’re taking.
And guess what? NP employees face the same problems.
- We have injuries. Or had. Or aura.
- We have struggled at times with mental and emotional health. Or often.
- We’ve all dealt with addictions at one time or another, whether it’s work, sports, food, alcohol, or anything else you can get addicted to.
- We gained too much weight, were too skinny or didn’t exercise for weeks or months.
- We were the ones wearing sweatpants with baby puke on them.
Whatever the challenge, some of us have taken it up, and none of us are getting any younger.
Someone who appears healthy may be at the end of a long and difficult journey.
- For example, the cancer survivors we trained during their post-treatment rehabilitation period.
- For example, people returning from injury or illness.
- For example, our brave clients who decide to take PN coaching two, three or even four times to really master the habits and make the progress they want. It’s years of work.
They all behave pretty well – showing up and doing their best in an imperfect situation.
4. Acknowledge and respect your own disorder.
It’s normal to be unwell. None of us are 100% okay.
But sometimes things are really out of order.
For example, if you have problems such as :
- chronic insomnia or poor sleep quality
- chronic pain or lack of mobility
- Frequent injuries and/or illnesses
- Chronic and debilitating depression, anxiety or other mental health problems.
- chronic social isolation and relationship problems
- chronic lethargy and lack of energy
- You feel like you need alcohol or recreational drugs to function.
- Problems with food, diet and/or exercise that seem to be controlling your life and/or affecting your health…..
…then you should probably make some changes.
Sometimes it’s just the kind of wake-up call you need to get a little more normal – like a debilitating injury at the gym, a terrifying medical diagnosis, or a breakup in love.
Observe the indicator lights on the dashboard.
Are your current difficulties and shortcomings comparable to the usual ups and downs? If it is, that’s fine too. It’s part of being human.
But if something is really wrong, you may need extra help. You may want to talk to a trainer, counselor or other qualified health professional.
Learn to listen to your own signals. Knowing when it’s not good is really not good and needs extra help.
5. Learn to agree to disagree.
As NP coaches, a big part of our job is to help our clients feel a little more comfortable with their discomfort.
If you are a coaching client, you may hear phrases like:
- Get into a state of discomfort.
- Make a mess of it.
- You’re human. They’re normal. You’re not a monster. You’re not alone.
You may also hear questions like:
- How can you make it a little easier on yourself?
- How do you feel when you are uncomfortable with change?
- How can you stretch, even a little?
Life will never be completely normal 100% of the time.
The trick is to learn to deal with that ignorance and work to make things just a little bit better.
6. Take small steps to increase the number of CBs.
If there is much invisible suffering in the world, there is also much invisible success and joy.
- No one except the paperboy sees you walking in the dark at 6am. But you know what? And you’re proud of your loyalty.
- No one but your doctor knows that you need anti-anxiety medication, anti-inflammatories, or other medications to function. But you know what? And you take pride in weighing your options and deciding what’s best for you, even if that choice isn’t ideal.
- Only your grocer will see that you put leafy vegetables and lean proteins in your cart. But you know what? And you brag that you’ve outgrown Nutella and Oreos, which once called to you when you were struggling with overeating.
- No one but the inner world of your brain can see that you are trying to do the right thing in a situation where you don’t have to do the right thing. But you know what? And when you make that choice… You are proud of yourself for staying true to your values.
That good decision can be a ten second pause to think about what is most important to you.
You may have stuck to your shopping list when you got your leafy greens.
You may think that these efforts were so small that they don’t count.
But therein lies the secret of coaching: What are the steps to success? It’s almost all the little things.
Success comes when small things are coupled with small things.
7. Find solutions.
Do you need accommodation or help? Find it. Go get him.
Work on a system that you trust to help you.
- If a body part isn’t working well for you, explore other exercise or training options that don’t rely on that body part.
- If you don’t like to cook or exercise alone, find someone to do it with. Find a partner for a Sunday afternoon chili cookout or join a group class.
- If you’re struggling to find time to do things, grab a calendar and start planning. Make arrangements for everything, including groceries. Keep an eye on your schedule so you know when you are losing time. Then set alarms and reminders, add notes, and take 15 minutes each day to leave Facebook behind and chat with the squirrels on a walk in the park.
The secret of coaching: Most people can’t be naturally good at most things.
People who seem to be doing well get help and/or have a strong system to guide them.
When we begin to accept our own limitations – our own ignorance – then we begin to make changes for the better.
We accept small improvements that increase over time.
We treat ourselves with more compassion and move away from the all-or-nothing attitude.
We get up when we fall and correct our course when necessary.
And we ask for help when we need it.
Bottom line: The more we accept what is wrong, the more life seems….. Well, a little more agreement.
What to do now
If you’re not feeling well, start writing down what’s happening and why.
Write down all the ways you don’t feel normal.
Analyse your data.
What is a regular non-surgical (tendonitis, bad day, eating a waffle over the kitchen counter for dinner, etc.) and what is a non-surgical to watch out for (chronic illness, debilitating depression, etc.)?
Adjust your expectations and check your blind spots.
What are you trying to do? Write down the things you want to accomplish now.
Now think about those expectations.
Would a reasonable, kind and wise friend or mentor tell you that these expectations are realistic?
(If you have a reasonable, kind and wise friend or mentor, ask him for advice).
Take their advice (real or imagined) as a guide and reconsider your expectations. How could you adjust them to make them more realistic and achievable?
Think small next steps.
One of the characteristics of the state of disorder is that it is often debilitating. It’s like swimming in peanut butter.
Action is the antidote to paralysis.
Whatever you can do, no matter how small, do something to confirm your basic normalcy, even if things don’t seem normal.
Gather your team.
Do you need to add people to the OK Project team? For example, a trusted friend or family member, coach, counselor or other health care provider?
If so, find them and include them in the OC project.
Ask for what you need. Let her help you.
Start building the system.
OK-ness is not a do-it-yourself project. The health of the OC doesn’t appear spontaneously either.
Besides assistants, you need systems to keep everything in order. Things that remind you, guide you, help you fill in the gaps, and generally help you stay more or less on track.
Want help becoming the healthiest, fittest and strongest version of yourself?
Most people know that regular exercise, good nutrition, sleep and stress management are important to feeling and looking good. However, they need help applying this knowledge in the context of their busy, sometimes stressful lives.
Over the past 15 years, we’ve helped over 100,000 clients lose fat, get stronger and improve their health with the coaching method… all the time…. no matter what challenges they face.
That’s why we work with health, fitness and wellness professionals (through our level 1 and 2 certification programs) to teach them how to coach their clients to solve the same problems.
Interested in training? Sign up for presale; save up to 54% and get your seat 24 hours in advance.
Places will become available at the next coaching session on Wednesday the 14th. July 2021.
If you are interested in coaching and want to know more, I encourage you to sign up on the pre-sale list below. Inclusion in the list offers you two special advantages.
- They pay less than everyone else. We like to promote the most interested and motivated people, because they are always the best customers. Get on the pre-sale list and you can save up to 54% off the sale price, the lowest price we’ve ever offered.
- You have a better chance of getting a seat. To give clients the personal attention and care they deserve, we only open the program twice a year. The last time we opened registration, all tickets sold out within minutes. If you sign up on the pre-sale list, you will have the opportunity to sign up 24 hours in advance, increasing your chances of participating.
If you’re ready to change your body and your life with the help of the best trainers in the world, this is your chance.
Comment: If your health and fitness are already good, but you want to help others, check out our Level 1 certification program].
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